Monday: I knew the content of Peter's story, but I was really excited to share it consecutively as a whole. I wanted to start with his invitation to walk with Christ, his calling for the future, his fall, his regret, and his reinstatement. I had many Bible verses lined up and was planning on us reading straight through them, question-answer style.
Tuesday Night: As I was praying about the devotional two nights before I presented, I felt compelled to change the format. I felt like God was reminding me that story-telling is so powerful. I also felt compelled to add meditation into it somehow.
Wednesday Morning: I'm sitting on the steps during my quiet time, absolutely falling apart and weeping uncontrollably. By reformatting my teaching, I had created something so relatable to me that God had opened my eyes to the message again. By the time I was meditating on how the story reflected my own story, I was torn apart by the love of God and began to experience some beautiful humbling and healing.
Thursday: After presenting the devotional, God was faithful to use the story and meditation in others' hearts the way he had used them in mine. I had multiple people come up to me and tell me that it was so powerful--all of them added that the storytelling really spoke to them.
I'm so grateful that God, who knows so much more than we do, speaks and directs us!
So, let me tell you a story. Peter's life is very familiar to us; in fact, it's much like our very own, full of cycles of invitation, pride, and mercy. So, let's put on our robes and sandals and take a step back in time to around 30 AD...
Simon and his brother Andrew were regular guys, simple fishermen. Everyone was a little concerned about Andrew, though, because he followed this crazy guy around in the wilderness. This madman called himself a prophet, living in the desert and eating locusts and honey as his main staple. Most people didn't take him too seriously, but when Andrew came home one day and told Simon that the prophet had shown him the Messiah, Simon was willing to at least check the guy out.
When Simon met the supposed Christ, the homely looking Jesus said to him, "I'm changing your name. You're now Peter because you are the rock on which I will build my church."
Simon--er, Peter, I mean--didn't know what that was all about, so he kept on with normal life. One day while fishing with Andrew, Jesus showed up with lots of crowds. To better teach them, he crawled into Andrew's boat to face the crowds. "Why don't you throw your nets to the other side of the boat?" he asked them. Having little luck, they gave it a try. Soon, the boat was toppling over due to the weight of the fish. "I will make you fishers of men," he concluded.
Not knowing what this meant, Peter continued on with his life. Another day while fishing, Peter and Andrew saw Jesus walking on the beach. "I will make you fishers of men!" Jesus said to them again. But how could they become fishers of men? they probably wondered. "Follow me."
Aware of the great authority Jesus had while teaching and the miraculous signs he had showed them, they decided to leave everything and follow him.
For THREE YEARS Peter followed Jesus around, listening to his teachings, witnessing his miracles, and being sent out. Peter and Jesus had a deep relationship, with so much time and trust invested over the years. They were vulnerable together, praying together and breaking bread, often not knowing where their next meal would come from, and even being judged together in the same disrespected crowd.
Peter's love for Jesus grew so much and was so beautifully expressed in one year's Passover celebration. As a "national" holiday, the Jews loved to celebrate God's saving them out of Egypt. They would feast together in the evening. However, this year, Jesus did something out of the ordinary. He started to wash his twelve closest friends' feet. When he got to Peter, Peter shouted, "By no means! You can't do this!"
Jesus responded, "If you do not let me wash your feet, you can have no part with me."
"Well, don't just wash my feet, then! Give me a bath!"
Jesus sighed. "If you had a bath already, you don't need another. You just need to wash your feet. Now, go wash others' feet." Peter probably saw the twinkle in Jesus' eye--that knowing look he always gave when speaking in mysteries. Peter probably nodded and wondered to himself what the washing of feet truly meant, processing this act of love and service, but not fully understanding the amount of humility that Jesus expects.
Soon, they moved to the table and Jesus said some weird stuff about the food and drink being like his body and blood. He even said that his friends wouldn't be able to follow him where he was about to go.
Peter got all worked up, maybe a little red in the face. "Lord, maybe the others will fall away, but I will follow you anywhere! To prison, to the grave, I don't care! I would lay down my life for you!"
Jesus shook his head sadly, "No, Peter. You will deny me three times before tomorrow morning."
After dinner, they left for the garden, which was normal because Jesus often liked to be by himself to pray to his Father. This time, however, Jesus was arrested. Peter, the hero, grabbed his sword and swiftly (but not very accurately) struck a man in the crowd. He had taken off the man's ear. Jesus, however, corrected Peter and told him that this was the Father's will. He healed the man's ear and left the disciples alone in the garden.
Can you imagine the disillusionment? The heavy abandonment? The complete sorrow?
This Jesus--supposedly the Messiah--should soon be reestablishing the Jewish nation! He should be saving them all from the oppression of the Roman Empire! Didn't Jesus just tell them to prepare themselves and get some swords? Didn't he just give them so many speeches to pump them up? How on earth could he possibly save Israel if he was going to let the law teachers kill him?
Peter had to have been having second thoughts. He probably lost all hope that Jesus was, in fact, the Messiah. Sure, he was a great guy--very wise and powerful! But he definitely wasn't who he thought he was. Peter had no idea who to trust anymore.
Still, Peter loved Jesus. So he followed them at a distance, witnessing the trials and the beatings from afar. In fact, three people noticed the shady-looking disciple. "Aren't you one of that Jesus' disciples? I think I recognize you!" all three exclaimed. But Peter denied it twice and on the third time, he shouted, "I'll be damned if I were ever a disciple of Jesus!"
Right then morning broke with the sound of a rooster, Peter locked eyes with Jesus, and Peter's world was made dark. He left the city and wept bitterly, his heart breaking painfully. He couldn't truly love or protect the most important person in the world to him. He couldn't even be strong enough to stay by Jesus' side. Peter had been a sham this whole time. His mouth was bigger than his heart.
For the first time in his life, I think Peter saw that we cannot live out our purpose with our own power, love, or abilities. We don't have the ability to truly be selfless in our broken state.
But this is where the story gets good. Three days after Jesus' death sentence, the women who had followed Jesus ran to Peter and John. "He's not dead! His body is gone! We spoke with an angel!" Eager to experience this same spiritual encounter, eager to believe that the miracle was true, the two men sprinted to the grave. Peter touched the linens in the empty tomb and stood up, bewildered. What does this mean? Where'd they take his body? he probably wondered.
Fortunately, though, Jesus is so personal and merciful, so he showed up that night where the disciples were hiding. He didn't reprimand those that abandoned him before his death, and he didn't condemn Peter for his denial. Instead, he blessed them with peace, showed his wounds, and ate with them. Poor Thomas missed the whole event!
So, because Jesus is so personal and merciful, he showed up again another night when Thomas was there. "Peace," he said to them again. And again, he didn't yell at them, although he had every right. Instead, he breathed onto them the Holy Spirit.
Apparently, Peter had no idea what to do after this crazy turn of events. Neither did Andrew. So they started fishing again. One day, they saw a man on the beach. "Why don't you throw your nets to the other side of the boat?" the man shouted, and something itched in the back of Peter's mind. And guess what happened? The boat started toppling. Sound familiar?
Peter jumped out of the boat and swam to Jesus ASAP. Do you think Jesus scolded or reprimanded him this time? Nope, they just chowed down on some fish tacos.
Then, they had a very serious conversation:
Jesus asked, "Peter, do you love me unconditionally more than these others?"
Peter absolutely knew that he couldn't say yes. Hadn't he abandoned Jesus and even denied him three times, calling down curses right before him? Peter thought back to when he had proudly said that the others would maybe fall away, but definitely not him. He could probably feel John's eyes in the back of his head. John, the disciple who was present at Jesus' crucifixion and who was given the greatest responsibility of Jesus' human existence--his mother. Peter probably sighed as his heart broke a little more in his chest. "Jesus, you know I love you like a brother."
Jesus, neither surprised nor angered, responded, "Feed my sheep. Do you love me unconditionally, Peter?"
Peter wiggled uncomfortably under Jesus' gaze. "You know I love you like a brother."
Jesus responded on cue, "Feed my sheep. Peter, do you love me like a brother?"
Peter was absolutely crushed. How could he ask that? Did he not believe that Peter even loved him that much? Not even like a friend? Surely he knew how much he had given up for him these last three years. But Peter remembered that moment when Jesus had locked eyes with him--when the blood was dripping into his eyes and out of his mouth. Peter remembered what hateful words escaped his mouth, even as Jesus took the beatings in silence. Peter couldn't possibly claim more, but he couldn't claim less. "Jesus, you know I love you like a brother."
Jesus smiled softly, "Feed my sheep." He stirred the fire a little with a stick and looked up seriously. "Peter, you'll be led where you don't want to go. Your arms will be outstretched." Peter didn't fully understand what it meant, but he felt the heaviness of this prophecy and he couldn't help but imagine Jesus back on that cross, arms outstretched.
Jesus knew that in this moment, in this deep humbling that Peter had experienced, Peter was ready. He was finally prepared to sacrifice his life for the sake of his Christ. Not of his own futile power or little faithfulness or slight, brotherly love. Instead, he was ready because he knew he couldn't do it. The Holy Spirit was stirring inside him, ready for Peter to finally be attentive to his voice. The Spirit was ready to take over as Peter relinquished his prideful control.
This story is so personal to us all. In fact, Peter's story IS our story.
Think about the many times that Jesus has personally invited you into deeper relationship with him. Maybe it was God's voice, revelation through his word, or new understanding in prayer. Maybe it was through a sermon, godly council, or a friend's prayer for you. All the time, God is sending us words, metaphors, articles, moments, paintings, conversations, songs, etc that are pointing us back to him, inviting us into deeper relationship with our Savior.
Remember those many moments. Selah.
Think about the many times that you lived in pride and denial, ignoring God's call in your life. Maybe it was placing your work, friends, or hobbies above spending time with God. Maybe it was listening to your own selfish desires before listening to the voice of God. Maybe it was emphasizing other good things, like ministry or family, rather than your identity in Christ. Maybe it was stepping away from your faith or bad priorities, not tithing or not witnessing. Not speaking love or respecting others. Not taking care of the poor or serving idols. No matter how we do it, we are often ignoring God's call.
Remember those many moments. Selah.
Imagine sitting on the beach with Jesus. He doesn't yell at you, reprimand you, or condemn you. He doesn't even bring up those bad moments at all. However, he DOES bring up all the good moments. Like reminding Peter of his first fishing miracles with him, imagine Christ reminding you of all of his personal love and invitation in your life. He would probably hand you a Bible with some bookmarks in your favorite passages that took you through some really hard times and hand you pictures of mentors who changed your perspective on Christianity. He would probably show you some videos of worship experiences you had together that showed all the dimensions of the physical and spiritual. He would probably whisper in your ear all the things he had whispered to you in quiet times of prayer and in your dreams.
Consider how loving and merciful Jesus was with Peter and how loving and merciful Jesus is with you every day. Selah.
Let's recognize that we do NOT have sufficient means to live out our purpose. But the Holy Spirit does. Let's strive to rest in God's personal invitations to us, evade all selfish ways, and allow God to remind us of his grace when we do mess up. Concerning our hopes and dreams, let's die. Concerning God's hopes and dreams for our lives, let's expect the Holy Spirit to show up so that we can truly, truly live. Let's expect the Spirit to speak through us and direct our paths. He's with us all of the time, so let's stay still and attentive to his movement, dying to our own tendencies to move of our own will. Let's depend on him. After all, Peter depended on himself. We have depended on ourselves. What good has it done Peter and me?
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