HEALING: Miraculous Lessons Pt II

Since being in the Discipleship Training School (DTS), I have continued to recognize God’s miraculous lessons in my life.  Like I discussed in my previous blog, he had begun a spiritual healing process (which I believe will continue for the rest of my life).  In this DTS, I have begun a renewed emotional and physical healing process.

Within the first few weeks of being in the DTS, I was really missing my life and people I loved in Arizona.  One day, I was overwhelmed with sadness over missing them and I was also having a really bad day with my depression in general and was dwelling on my self-criticism.  I was in the prayer room that night.  Two girls that I had never spoken to before came to pray for me.  They laid hands on me and gave a generic prayer.  Then, they both told me they each received a word:

1.        The first girl told me that I was beautiful whether I thought so or not.  God was pleased with me as his creation that he had called “good.”

2.        The second girl told me that Jesus recognized how much I had given up to seek him.  She told me that he would soon replace my sacrifice with a jewel.

It was an incredible message of peace into my life, and I accepted it with open arms.  Soon, I realized that sacrificing my own desires is a daily process.  One time in worship, I experienced the presence of Christ so strongly that I was truly able to relinquish everything that I want with my own heart and mind so freely.  I knew that Christ fulfilled more than what I could ever want and was better than anything or anyone I could ever want.  Even now, I need to remind myself of that experience and how much more worth the relationship with our Creator has than anything of this earth.

However, those were not the only words of encouragement I received from people.  Within the next few weeks, I also had three separate individuals, none of which knew me very well, come to tell me that they saw a vision (or image) of me.  I soon recognized that there was a pattern of them seeing me as “childlike.”  They were as follows:

                     1.        I was dancing in the presence of God, free like a little child dances in the presence of her father.  I had wisdom written on my hands, wisdom that only an adult could possess.  At the same time, though, I was completely childlike in my liberation.

                     2.       I was playing with Christ like a little kid with her dad.  He was whispering secrets in her ear and they were laughing together.  I had learned that my relationship with my Father is not just fear and prostration.  I had learned that he has a Father’s love.

                     3.       I was very young looking, without my glasses.  My eyes had been healed to understand God in a new way.  My worldview had changed.

I held these in my heart and anticipated that I was going to experience something new.  The next week, our speaker came and talked not on “Dying to Self” as we had been told.  Instead, he talked about what it means “To Be Childlike.”  Obviously, this immediately got my attention.  It was also not taught in the way that I have been accustomed.  He did NOT teach that being childlike means you just accept things with blind faith (a teaching I strongly dislike).  He DID teach that being childlike means that you:

     -Don’t love based on physical appearance or performance

     -Don’t have a sexual agenda

     -Have abstract thinking and an open mind to learn new things

     -Demonstrate an open and transparent attitude

     -Are honest, trusting, affectionate, tranquil, and resilient

     -Are fresh, creative, and a learner

     -Are quick to be intimate, to laugh, and to give

     -Are the child of our Heavenly Father

This teaching changed the way I viewed my call to “be like a child” in the kingdom of God.  It was beautiful and encouraging, and I began to pray in this way.  Soon, God brought up a lot of bitterness I had in my heart and people that I needed to forgive for hurting me.  For me to be honest, trusting, tranquil, and to love openly and easily like a child, I needed to surrender my pain and past. 

While in prayer, I saw an image of God sewing up my heart and that’s exactly what I experienced emotionally that day.  It’s like I became a new person, bitterness uprooted and freedom planted.

Since then, love has come more easily to me and so has obedience.  When praying for a stranger in church, I had a specific image and word for her.  I explained it to her (awkwardly in Spanish) and she cried as I showed her the Bible passages that I felt like God was telling me to show her.  She said, “Muchas gracias” to me three times before I left.  I am so excited to be used as an encouragement to God.  It truly has become like a beautiful, close-knit relationship.  God can whisper his secrets to me and I can share them with others with a renewed sense of freedom.  I can love people with God’s love again, and he’s with me the whole time, my Father.  He has been healing me emotionally.

Recently, I’ve been praying for physical/mental healing.  This prayer was rooted in a dream I had a few weeks before I came to the DTS.  God spoke to me in the dream and said, “It’s good to ask for healing.”  I still don’t know if that means he will say, “Yes!” but I sure am hoping!  We all know that Jesus can heal me, after all!  I’m currently off my medication (which was not working anyway) and am taking a few months off to see if God will be willing to stretch out his hand and touch my brain.  I have an actual chemical imbalance that causes the depression and I need an actual physical healing of my body. 

One day about a week ago, I was in the process of lowering my dose and I prayed all afternoon with the prayer of the Gentile woman who asked Jesus to heal her child.  Jesus told her that he came to help the Jews and not the Gentile.  She would not relent, saying that even dogs eat the crumbs under the table of the master.  For her faith, Jesus healed her.  I prayed all day that God would give me the crumbs off his table so that I could experience mental healing.  That night, I went to a small bonfire with only two other guys singing in worship.  One guy had a guitar and was singing.  After a while, he began to prophesy through his singing.  He sang, “You are my child.  I am your Father.  I have good plans for you,” and other, although beautiful, more generic messages.  I was enjoying the worship and sat and contemplated and prayed.  Then, he started speaking to me directly through the singer, “You have asked for crumbs off my table.  You have asked for crumbs.  But you will ask for crumbs no longer.  I’m giving you a meal.  I’m giving you a meal.”  I began crying uncontrollably and I accept this prophecy, too, with open hands, hoping it was for me. 

Since then, we had an awesome service about missions.  At the end, we stood if we felt called to missions so the speaker could pray for us.  I stood, although I angrily prayed the whole time that there was no way I could actually live out my call, because God had made it impossible for me.  “I can’t go to unreached people groups!” I told God in my heart.  “You’re sending me there, but I’m single and alone.  I don’t know anyone I can serve with to provide community and safety in an indigenous group or closed country.”  I continued, “And you allow me to have depression!  You know what it’s like just trying to survive, let alone serving others with my whole life!”

Words burst into my head like a canon going off.  They screamed in the darkness of my closed eyelids, “Peace be with you.”  I looked it up in the Bible and found that John 21 has that phrase three times when Jesus shows himself to the disciples after his resurrection.  He says it to them before breathing the Holy Spirit on them and sending them out.  I was amazed at such a blatant and powerful response to my prayer.  Since then, I have felt a lot of peace about my depression.  I believe that I will be healed.  Even if I’m not, though—like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego said—God is still my Lord.

God is so beautiful and active in our lives.  His miraculous lessons, speaking to me, have brought me so much spiritual and emotional healing.  I am ecstatic to share these stories with you so that he would receive even more glory for these acts of kindness.

Also, I’d like to ask you to pray with me for a miracle of physical healing from depression.  Remember that it takes about 4-6 weeks to get the old meds out of my system so I should know in about two months for sure if God has answered my prayer or not.  I hope that we can celebrate together for this wonder in two months, but even if we cannot for this particular wonder, thank God that he demonstrates new mercies and wonders in our lives each day!

HEALING: Miraculous Lessons Pt I

This whole last year, I adopted agnosticism as my own worldview.  I believed in the existence of a god, but I also believed that there was no way for us to really know what he was like.  I rejected Christianity because, after reading the Bible through many times, I felt like faith was unreasonable and that the way the scriptures were created and selected was far too fallible. 

However, after talking to a missionary friend of mine, I realized that I have far more spiritual encounters with the Christian God specifically than I have questions about the faith.  For example, I had witnessed and heard many testimonies about healings done in Jesus’ name.  I had a friend come to me to bring me comfort after spending time with Jesus because she felt like Jesus wanted me to be comforted—and it came right at a time when I was asking God if he was truly even present or if he cared about me!  I had the same friend gave me a passage from the Christian Bible about Jesus seeking after the one lost sheep on a day where I hated God because I no longer believed that he loved the individual.  These are just three small examples of Jesus showing up in my life.  Over and over again, small miracles have occurred in my life, pointing me again and again to Jesus!  They only stopped happening after I no longer was willing to accept them as such.

Once I recognized how active the Christian God has shown himself to me—Trust me!  There was a much longer list than just these three occasions!—I began to follow Christ again and became more open to the Holy Spirit.  (I also contacted the Christian friend who was so in tune with the Spirit and thanked her for being so obedient to the Spirit.  She told me that she wasn’t surprised that I took a step away from the faith because it was going to grow me in faith and answers, and I was meant to reach intellectuals.)

In fact as soon as I was truly open to hear from God again, I started to receive these experiences again.  First, I had to prioritize God first, above both terrible and wonderful things in my life.  I left Arizona, along with my developing alcoholism and incredible ex-boyfriend, behind me so that I could devote my life and learning to God alone. 

When I returned home, I continued struggling with depression (as I have for my entire life).  With depression, it’s impossible to feel true happiness as an emotion.  Instead, you only recognize cognitively when an event is labeled “happy.”  You feel utter hopelessness, self-hatred, and darkness all the time.  You cannot see a meaningful purpose to life or hope in any future. 

At one point, I prayed to God, asking him to understand that I needed to kill myself to free me from this mental illness and begging him to not only forgive me but understand and embrace my death.  He would be the only one that could accept my decision because only he truly understands what I go through every day with this mental illness.  I prayed and told him he’d have to really stop me if he wanted me to continue living.  Right then, my phone buzzed.  (Incredibly, this is the second time that God responded to me when in prayer with a text from a friend!)  A friend from college texted me the following:

“An 11:30 nugget of encouragement: ‘The actual value of an object is that which is placed on it by the owner or buyer.  God has shown the value He has placed on you by sending His son to redeem you” (Billy Graham).  You are never too far for Jesus to turn it all around for you.  Be bold and take steps to live fully alive and free in Christ!  I love you sister!  I’m proud of you!”

I obviously chose to continue living, and I still had plans to attend Youth With a Mission’s DTS.  However, I started second guessing if I should attend the school.  After all, wouldn’t the responsible thing be to get a job and start making money?  (That’s what our culture tells me!)  I started asking God in prayer if I should go to the school. Also, I was still discontent with many of the theological questions I had concerning free will, God’s character, etc. so I continuously prayed for God to show himself to me and answer those questions, as well.

Each time I prayed, however, I felt the strongest urge, almost a compulsion, to pray for love.  I would try to pray for knowledge and answers, but I couldn’t do it.  I always, always felt redirected to pray for love.  It was almost like I would see the words burned into my mind’s eye: PRAY FOR LOVE.

So, I finally listened and changed the way I prayed.  I started praying for the love I used to have for God and humanity.  I asked for God to pour his love into me until I overflowed to others.  For about three weeks, this was the only prayer I felt comfortable praying.  Anything else made me feel heavy and wrong; again and again I would feel redirected for a filling and overflowing of love.

A few weeks before I left for Mexico, I went to a prophetic conference with a friend of mine.  He is agnostic but afterwards said that either I personally told the prophet everything about him or the man was of God.  It was really powerful.

This is what the prophet said to me.  Remember, we’ve never met before and never spoken:

1.        You are a water pitcher overflowing, water pouring in each time that water is poured out.  The water is God’s love, being poured into you and out to everyone else.  You are in love with God’s people.  (Confirming that my prayer was from God!)

2.       You are gifted to reach intellectuals.  (Confirming what my Christian friend spoke over me!)

3.       This is my year of Esther, my year of preparation.  (Confirming that I should go to the DTS!)

He spoke a few other things that I am holding in my heart until they come into fruition, but it was an incredibly powerful message from God.  He was still present with me, despite my lack of faith!

God’s miraculous movement in my life began a deep process of spiritual healing.  I am excited to say that he has been continuing to move in the DTS, as well.  I will dedicate my next blog to this time in particular and how it is leading into a process of deep emotional healing and what I hope to be physical healing, as well!  Stay tuned.

GOD'S VOICE: Peter's Story

Every morning, the DTS meets in the prayer room for a short devotional before we enter our quiet time, eat breakfast, and then hold Bible reading small groups.  We take turns giving devotionals and I immediately signed up for the first week because I wanted to share the most powerful sermon on Peter's "reinstatement" in John 21 that I had heard from Pastor Jim Heckman.  When I got to the sign-up sheet on Monday, all the days were filled up except Thursday, giving me two extra days to process.  Now I know why...

Monday:  I knew the content of Peter's story, but I was really excited to share it consecutively as a whole.  I wanted to start with his invitation to walk with Christ, his calling for the future, his fall, his regret, and his reinstatement.  I had many Bible verses lined up and was planning on us reading straight through them, question-answer style.

Tuesday Night:  As I was praying about the devotional two nights before I presented, I felt compelled to change the format.  I felt like God was reminding me that story-telling is so powerful.  I also felt compelled to add meditation into it somehow.

Wednesday Morning:  I'm sitting on the steps during my quiet time, absolutely falling apart and weeping uncontrollably.  By reformatting my teaching, I had created something so relatable to me that God had opened my eyes to the message again.  By the time I was meditating on how the story reflected my own story, I was torn apart by the love of God and began to experience some beautiful humbling and healing.

Thursday:  After presenting the devotional, God was faithful to use the story and meditation in others' hearts the way he had used them in mine.  I had multiple people come up to me and tell me that it was so powerful--all of them added that the storytelling really spoke to them. 

I'm so grateful that God, who knows so much more than we do, speaks and directs us!

So, let me tell you a story.  Peter's life is very familiar to us; in fact, it's much like our very own, full of cycles of invitation, pride, and mercy.  So, let's put on our robes and sandals and take a step back in time to around 30 AD...

Simon and his brother Andrew were regular guys, simple fishermen.  Everyone was a little concerned about Andrew, though, because he followed this crazy guy around in the wilderness.  This madman called himself a prophet, living in the desert and eating locusts and honey as his main staple.  Most people didn't take him too seriously, but when Andrew came home one day and told Simon that the prophet had shown him the Messiah, Simon was willing to at least check the guy out.  

When Simon met the supposed Christ, the homely looking Jesus said to him, "I'm changing your name.  You're now Peter because you are the rock on which I will build my church."

Simon--er, Peter, I mean--didn't know what that was all about, so he kept on with normal life.  One day while fishing with Andrew, Jesus showed up with lots of crowds.  To better teach them, he crawled into Andrew's boat to face the crowds.  "Why don't you throw your nets to the other side of the boat?" he asked them.  Having little luck, they gave it a try.  Soon, the boat was toppling over due to the weight of the fish.  "I will make you fishers of men," he concluded.

Not knowing what this meant, Peter continued on with his life.  Another day while fishing, Peter and Andrew saw Jesus walking on the beach.  "I will make you fishers of men!" Jesus said to them again.  But how could they become fishers of men? they probably wondered. "Follow me."

Aware of the great authority Jesus had while teaching and the miraculous signs he had showed them, they decided to leave everything and follow him.

For THREE YEARS Peter followed Jesus around, listening to his teachings, witnessing his miracles, and being sent out.  Peter and Jesus had a deep relationship, with so much time and trust invested over the years.  They were vulnerable together, praying together and breaking bread, often not knowing where their next meal would come from, and even being judged together in the same disrespected crowd.  

Peter's love for Jesus grew so much and was so beautifully expressed in one year's Passover celebration.  As a "national" holiday, the Jews loved to celebrate God's saving them out of Egypt.  They would feast together in the evening.  However, this year, Jesus did something out of the ordinary.  He started to wash his twelve closest friends' feet.  When he got to Peter, Peter shouted, "By no means! You can't do this!"  

Jesus responded, "If you do not let me wash your feet, you can have no part with me."

"Well, don't just wash my feet, then!  Give me a bath!"

Jesus sighed. "If you had a bath already, you don't need another.  You just need to wash your feet.  Now, go wash others' feet."  Peter probably saw the twinkle in Jesus' eye--that knowing look he always gave when speaking in mysteries.  Peter probably nodded and wondered to himself what the washing of feet truly meant, processing this act of love and service, but not fully understanding the amount of humility that Jesus expects.

Soon, they moved to the table and Jesus said some weird stuff about the food and drink being like his body and blood.  He even said that his friends wouldn't be able to follow him where he was about to go.

Peter got all worked up, maybe a little red in the face.  "Lord, maybe the others will fall away, but I will follow you anywhere! To prison, to the grave, I don't care!  I would lay down my life for you!"

Jesus shook his head sadly, "No, Peter.  You will deny me three times before tomorrow morning."  

After dinner, they left for the garden, which was normal because Jesus often liked to be by himself to pray to his Father.  This time, however, Jesus was arrested.  Peter, the hero, grabbed his sword and swiftly (but not very accurately) struck a man in the crowd.  He had taken off the man's ear.  Jesus, however, corrected Peter and told him that this was the Father's will.  He healed the man's ear and left the disciples alone in the garden.

Can you imagine the disillusionment?  The heavy abandonment?  The complete sorrow?

This Jesus--supposedly the Messiah--should soon be reestablishing the Jewish nation!  He should be saving them all from the oppression of the Roman Empire!  Didn't Jesus just tell them to prepare themselves and get some swords?  Didn't he just give them so many speeches to pump them up?  How on earth could he possibly save Israel if he was going to let the law teachers kill him?

Peter had to have been having second thoughts.  He probably lost all hope that Jesus was, in fact, the Messiah.  Sure, he was a great guy--very wise and powerful!  But he definitely wasn't who he thought he was.  Peter had no idea who to trust anymore.

Still, Peter loved Jesus.  So he followed them at a distance, witnessing the trials and the beatings from afar.  In fact, three people noticed the shady-looking disciple.  "Aren't you one of that Jesus' disciples?  I think I recognize you!" all three exclaimed.  But Peter denied it twice and on the third time, he shouted, "I'll be damned if I were ever a disciple of Jesus!"

Right then morning broke with the sound of a rooster, Peter locked eyes with Jesus, and Peter's world was made dark.  He left the city and wept bitterly, his heart breaking painfully.  He couldn't truly love or protect the most important person in the world to him.  He couldn't even be strong enough to stay by Jesus' side.  Peter had been a sham this whole time.  His mouth was bigger than his heart.  

For the first time in his life, I think Peter saw that we cannot live out our purpose with our own power, love, or abilities.  We don't have the ability to truly be selfless in our broken state.

But this is where the story gets good.  Three days after Jesus' death sentence, the women who had followed Jesus ran to Peter and John.  "He's not dead!  His body is gone!  We spoke with an angel!"  Eager to experience this same spiritual encounter, eager to believe that the miracle was true, the two men sprinted to the grave.  Peter touched the linens in the empty tomb and stood up, bewildered.  What does this mean?  Where'd they take his body? he probably wondered.

Fortunately, though, Jesus is so personal and merciful, so he showed up that night where the disciples were hiding.  He didn't reprimand those that abandoned him before his death, and he didn't condemn Peter for his denial.  Instead, he blessed them with peace, showed his wounds, and ate with them.  Poor Thomas missed the whole event!

So, because Jesus is so personal and merciful, he showed up again another night when Thomas was there.  "Peace," he said to them again.  And again, he didn't yell at them, although he had every right.  Instead, he breathed onto them the Holy Spirit.

Apparently, Peter had no idea what to do after this crazy turn of events.  Neither did Andrew.  So they started fishing again.  One day, they saw a man on the beach.  "Why don't you throw your nets to the other side of the boat?" the man shouted, and something itched in the back of Peter's mind.  And guess what happened?  The boat started toppling.  Sound familiar?  

Peter jumped out of the boat and swam to Jesus ASAP.  Do you think Jesus scolded or reprimanded him this time?  Nope, they just chowed down on some fish tacos.  

Then, they had a very serious conversation:

Jesus asked, "Peter, do you love me unconditionally more than these others?"
 
Peter absolutely knew that he couldn't say yes.  Hadn't he abandoned Jesus and even denied him three times, calling down curses right before him?  Peter thought back to when he had proudly said that the others would maybe fall away, but definitely not him.  He could probably feel John's eyes in the back of his head.  John, the disciple who was present at Jesus' crucifixion and who was given the greatest responsibility of Jesus' human existence--his mother.  Peter probably sighed as his heart broke a little more in his chest.  "Jesus, you know I love you like a brother."

Jesus, neither surprised nor angered, responded, "Feed my sheep.  Do you love me unconditionally, Peter?"


Peter wiggled uncomfortably under Jesus' gaze.  "You know I love you like a brother."

Jesus responded on cue, "Feed my sheep.  Peter, do you love me like a brother?"

Peter was absolutely crushed.  How could he ask that?  Did he not believe that Peter even loved him that much?  Not even like a friend?  Surely he knew how much he had given up for him these last three years.  But Peter remembered that moment when Jesus had locked eyes with him--when the blood was dripping into his eyes and out of his mouth.  Peter remembered what hateful words escaped his mouth, even as Jesus took the beatings in silence.  Peter couldn't possibly claim more, but he couldn't claim less.  "Jesus, you know I love you like a brother."

Jesus smiled softly, "Feed my sheep."  He stirred the fire a little with a stick and looked up seriously.  "Peter, you'll be led where you don't want to go.  Your arms will be outstretched."  Peter didn't fully understand what it meant, but he felt the heaviness of this prophecy and he couldn't help but imagine Jesus back on that cross, arms outstretched.  

Jesus knew that in this moment, in this deep humbling that Peter had experienced, Peter was ready.  He was finally prepared to sacrifice his life for the sake of his Christ.  Not of his own futile power or little faithfulness or slight, brotherly love.  Instead, he was ready because he knew he couldn't do it.  The Holy Spirit was stirring inside him, ready for Peter to finally be attentive to his voice.  The Spirit was ready to take over as Peter relinquished his prideful control.

This story is so personal to us all.  In fact, Peter's story IS our story.

Think about the many times that Jesus has personally invited you into deeper relationship with him.  Maybe it was God's voice, revelation through his word, or new understanding in prayer.  Maybe it was through a sermon, godly council, or a friend's prayer for you.  All the time, God is sending us words, metaphors, articles, moments, paintings, conversations, songs, etc that are pointing us back to him, inviting us into deeper relationship with our Savior.  

Remember those many moments.  Selah.

Think about the many times that you lived in pride and denial, ignoring God's call in your life.  Maybe it was placing your work, friends, or hobbies above spending time with God.  Maybe it was listening to your own selfish desires before listening to the voice of God.  Maybe it was emphasizing other good things, like ministry or family, rather than your identity in Christ.  Maybe it was stepping away from your faith or bad priorities, not tithing or not witnessing.  Not speaking love or respecting others.  Not taking care of the poor or serving idols.  No matter how we do it, we are often ignoring God's call.

Remember those many moments.  Selah.

Imagine sitting on the beach with Jesus.  He doesn't yell at you, reprimand you, or condemn you.  He doesn't even bring up those bad moments at all.  However, he DOES bring up all the good moments.  Like reminding Peter of his first fishing miracles with him, imagine Christ reminding you of all of his personal love and invitation in your life.  He would probably hand you a Bible with some bookmarks in your favorite passages that took you through some really hard times and hand you pictures of mentors who changed your perspective on Christianity.  He would probably show you some videos of worship experiences you had together that showed all the dimensions of the physical and spiritual.  He would probably whisper in your ear all the things he had whispered to you in quiet times of prayer and in your dreams.

Consider how loving and merciful Jesus was with Peter and how loving and merciful Jesus is with you every day.  Selah.

Let's recognize that we do NOT have sufficient means to live out our purpose.  But the Holy Spirit does.  Let's strive to rest in God's personal invitations to us, evade all selfish ways, and allow God to remind us of his grace when we do mess up.  Concerning our hopes and dreams, let's die.  Concerning God's hopes and dreams for our lives, let's expect the Holy Spirit to show up so that we can truly, truly live.  Let's expect the Spirit to speak through us and direct our paths.  He's with us all of the time, so let's stay still and attentive to his movement, dying to our own tendencies to move of our own will.  Let's depend on him.  After all, Peter depended on himself.  We have depended on ourselves.  What good has it done Peter and me?

GOD'S VOICE: Intercessory Prayer

Intercession is defined as "entreaty in favor of another, especially a prayer or petition to God in behalf of another."  Because YWAM believes that prayer is two-way communication (see my previous blog on POWER OF PRAYER), we enjoy praying together in a way in which we ask God to guide us.

There are no rules to intercessory prayer.  However, Joy Dawson compiled some wonderful principles for effective intercession here.  These are the points we consider before we enter into prayer as a DTS school, which we will be doing about two times a week.

Today, we participated intercessory prayer on behalf of our school as a whole.  We first spent time praising God, praying for protection, confessing our sins, etc.  Then, we asked God to tell us what we should pray for on our school's behalf.  Some of us received images, scripture, encouragement, or correction.  In the end, though, we saw some beautiful patterns of an over-arching message.

God revealed to us that we needed to pray that he would be our center, that we would focus on his kingdom, and that we would die to our selves, even in our free time. He showed us we needed to be careful how we talked and to only speak life, walking in the Spirit and in love.  He showed us that by our love others would come to enter into the kingdom.

The absolute best part of today's intercession, however, was when one of our classmates named Hugo felt compelled to share.  While everyone else was sharing images, comfort, and correction that they believed was coming straight from God, he raised his hand and asked to share a testimony!  Our leader said, "Sure, you can if you feel like God is leading you at this moment."  Hugo stood in front of us and shared his story: He had met a man in Tijuana during ministry (I believe it was in the Red Light District).  The man was incredibly poor and although they didn't see each other often, they began to build a wonderful relationship over the phone.  

One day, Hugo felt like God was telling him to give the man $100.  As a missionary completing a Discipleship Training School, Hugo was praying and trying to move money around so that he could be obedient to what God was telling him.  

The next day (even though he told not a single soul about this!), he found a letter on his bed.  It had $200 in it anonymously from someone.  He was so relieved.  He was able to bless his friend with $100 and for his obedience, God blessed him with $100, too!

Not only was this story incredibly encouraging to all of this, but it was directly in response to another student's prayer just that morning!  Courtney had listened while a Titus Project student asked for money for a mission trip she will be leaving for tomorrow.  After praying about it, Courtney felt very strongly that she should give the Titus Project student exactly $100.  She couldn't believe that God was asking that of her, because she doesn't have a lot of funds herself.  In fact, she is in the process of fundraising for her outreach!  As she prayed during intercession, she said in her heart, "God if you really want me to give that Titus Project student the money, you need to make someone talk about $100 during the sharing time!"  She was flabbergasted when it actually happened!

I absolutely loved this time today and hope that I will be able to continue to practice this type of prayer with other believers.  God is so incredible with how faithfully he answers us when we ask for him to show himself.  God is so good.

GOD'S VOICE: Outreach Location

I was super sad when I realized that a virus would keep me from my home base in El Salvador.  However, I soon found that there are many other lovely YWAM locations.  Part of the reason I chose this base in Ensenada is because its outreach location options included India.  I've always wanted to go to India and have considered doing long-term missions there someday.

However, I was in the prayer room praying before they even told us where our outreach locations would be.  While in prayer, the idea of Latin America was bursting in my head.  The idea was coming into my mind over and over again.  I did not, in fact, receive an image; however, this is a good way of describing the boldness of my thoughts on Latin America.  If there were a map of all the nations, it would be like all the countries were in black and white, except for the Americas south of our border. All of my attention and emotions in prayer were directed to that location.

My reaction?  Anger.  Sorrow.  Brokenness.

I kept praying and praying, asking God if this is really where he wanted me to go.  After all, God gave me a strong desire for the unreached.  Why on earth would he send me to Latin America?

I almost cried on my way to the classroom meeting.  There was a knot in my stomach and I began to feel physically ill.  God, why would you create me with such desire and purpose, but then not lead me in that direction?

Once I got to the classroom, we heard a short description of each location accompanied by some short videos.  As soon as they showed the video about Mexico, I began to cry.  They were tears of brokenness for the people and celebration for how faithful God is.

Chiapas and Oaxaca, Mexico.  In Chiapas, we will be working with unreached, indigenous tribes.  With these groups, we will especially be meeting medical needs concerning a rare skin disease contracted by incest.  This illness is common in the tribes and although incurable, it is treatable. 

The goal will be street evangelism and handing out Bibles in Oaxaca, an incredibly spiritually attacked city.  The main religion is a very spiritualistic form of Catholicism, so we will definitely need prayer.  The evangelical Christians also experience strong persecution.

I placed this option as my first choice and will now be going with 12 other students and 2 leaders to Chiapas and Oaxaca in Mexico come the end of December.

Please, pray for spiritual protection, opportunity to meet physical needs, and most importantly, pray that we would have the means to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with the nations in tangible ways, bringing his kingdom with truth and love, with signs and wonders, and with humility and grace.

GOD'S VOICE: How do we hear God's voice?

YWAM’s third value states, “We believe that everyone can hear from God and has a vital role to play in our corporate understanding of what God is saying.”  At first, I was uncomfortable with this teaching.  Yes, we all hear from God through the Bible.  That’s a fundamental belief to the Christian church.  However, do we all hear what God is saying currently?  Is he always talking to us, as the YWAM staff claims?  I’ve always considered “hearing from God” something that comes from specific giftings, which we see listed and explained in Ephesians 4, 1 Corinthians 12, and Romans 12.  In these passages, we learn of specific gifts such as the APEST of Ephesians.  (Some are given to be apostles, prophets, evangelists, shepherds, or teachers.)  In 1 Corinthians and Romans, we are told that everyone has different abilities granted by the Spirit and we should not covet one another’s gifts, because God grants them as he wills.  Does everyone hear from God currently, then?  Does God speak to us outside of the Bible and the teaching of the Bible?

As Christians, we believe that God loves us (shown most profoundly in Christ’s death on the cross), in addition to the fact that God is personal and active.  After all, according to John 14, Christ left us his Holy Spirit after leaving earth.  In verses 15-27, Christ explains that we will personally know the Spirit of truth.  According to John 16, the Spirit will speak to us and make truth known to us.  Also, when we ask of the Spirit, we will receive of the Spirit and our joy will be made complete.

Clearly, the Spirit is always speaking and teaching.  According to 1 John 2:20-27, the Spirit’s anointing will teach us, and Hebrews 3:7-18 (as well as 4:7-16) says that we should listen to his voice.  In Hebrews 12:18-28, we learn that we must not refuse him when he speaks.

Also, Romans teaches us about our relationship to the Spirit.  Romans 8:9-17 says that the Spirit has made us his children by which we may call him “Abba” (Father).  Later in verses 26-27, we learn that he even intercedes on our behalf, like a good father standing up for his children.  Galatians 4:1-9 speaks that we are not only sons but heirs.  2 Corinthians 6:16 tells us that the Holy Spirit walks among us.  He is personal to us, like a father or a friend walking with us.

Further, the Spirit’s teaching is specifically about his will.  According to Ephesians 5:15-21, we should be filled with the Holy Spirit and not wine.  I find this passage interesting because, within context, the wine part follows after the command, “Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what God’s will is.  Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery.  Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit.”  We were given the Spirit as a gift, so why is it commanding us to be filled?  I believe that it is because we can ignore the Spirit, God’s will, and his teachings.  We can choose a life controlled by self, our own will, and abuse of substance.  However, if we choose the Spirit instead of things like alcohol or other selfish gains, we choose to learn God’s will.  The Spirit teaches us his will.

Thus, we all have different gifts from the Spirit for ministry.  However, we also know from the Scriptures that the Spirit:

       1.       Is always speaking and teaching.

       2.       Has made us children with personal relationship.

       3.       Shows us God’s will.
    

 Does the Spirit teach us only through the Bible, then?

Absolutely, the Spirit teaches us through the Bible!  However, I would like to challenge that he uses other means, as well.  According to 1 Corinthians 14:24-25, a whole church can be prophesying together.  This is beautiful, according to Paul, and he says that we should be “eager to prophesy” in verses 39-40.  In fact, we should always be asking for more from the Holy Spirit.  Luke 11 tells us that God will not deny us more if we persistently ask.  Paul says we should be eager for these gifts and communication.

Clearly, hearing from God should still be happening in our churches.  Prophecy is even open to more people than I had previously thought!  With this knowledge, though, we must be careful.

Hearing from God, although we should be eager to have it, must be tactfully used.  Throughout chapter 14, Paul also outlines some main rules that should followed for orderly worship.  For example, prophecy within the church should be to build up and encourage, according to verse 3.  It may also lead to repentance according to verse 25.  Also, we know that when we share something that we believe is from God, that we need to teach wisely and in love.  According to Ephesians 4:15-16, we learn that all truth should be taught in love, so this includes knowledge given by the Holy Spirit.  After all, we know that our words are powerful (Proverbs 18:21), so we should always be careful with the attitude in which we convey truths.  Also, we should do everything in discernment, so words from God should also be checked with the Bible, biblical council, and precautionary prayer. 

How do we hear from God, then, apart from just reading the Bible?  Perhaps we learn new things from daily life, parables that we recognize in movies or books, advice from others, or pastoral teachings.  We may even experience an audible voice, dreams, visions, or seeing angels.  As a Bible-believing Christian, how could you ever call these experiences impossible?  We also are guided by the Spirit with convictions and peace from the Spirit.  According to Romans 9:1, our conscience confirms our understandings in him. 

Let’s eagerly desire the voice of God and seek out time to spend with him alone and in quiet.  We need to ask for more knowledge from the Spirit, more guidance and more teachings.  I love the book of Habakkuk because the prophet asks God “Why?” and God responds.  If we have the Spirit living inside us today, and the Bible teaches us the following three truths, how much more will he respond to us when we try to converse with him.  God is not just a listening God.  He speaks!

   1.       The Holy Spirit is always speaking and teaching. 
   2.       The Holy Spirit has made us children with personal relationship.
   3.       The Holy Spirit shows us God’s will.

NOTE:  Although some churches believe that this gifting has “passed” once the Bible was completed according to 1 Corinthians 13, I would argue that the reference of these gifts passing exists within a context of how long love with last and not the ceasing of spiritual gifts which are affirmed in other scripture.  After all, the entire passage is dedicated to love and emphasizing how it is more important than any other value or ability.  In addition, I don’t believe the reference of “that which is perfect” means the Bible.  Instead, I interpret the concept that prophesy and tongues will cease when “that which is perfect has come” to mean that they will cease when Christ returns.  However, love will endure forever.  Again, this passage is not emphasizing gifts or doctrine about gifts, but instead love.